Serving York County

Sadly, it is not unusual to see adult siblings at a loss – and perhaps in disagreement – about how to handle funeral / burial arrangements and the final affairs of a parent who has just died.

If that parent has done no pre-arrangement and has no end-of-life plan, then it is left to the family to decide what Mom or Dad would have wanted.  In such an emotional and vulnerable time, it is very difficult to agree on funeral / burial plans; and it is impossible to know if the decisions reflect what their parent really would have wanted. 

Here at the Koller Funeral Home and Cremation Center in York, PA, we suggest that you encourage your parents to do the end-of-life planning to convey their wishes for funeral, burial and a host of other issues that must be handled upon their death. 

The following are tips to make talking with your parents about their funeral arrangements much easier.

1. As a first step, take the time to create your own funeral / burial plan and end-of-life plan.  It is easier to speak to your parents about their own funeral arrangements if you can share your own.
2. Let your parents know that you have no reason to believe that the end-of-life plans you’ve made will be needed for a long time.  But emphasize that you have come to understand how important it is to do this pre-planning while you are in good health and able to take the time to think it through.
3. Explain your reason for pre-planning.  Let your parents know that you did this to spare your family the uncertainty and possible conflict that families suffer when they don’t know the funeral / burial wishes of their departed loved one, don’t know how to notify other family and friends and can’t find important documents. 
4. Share the basics of your own end-of-life plan to help your parents understand what such a plan entails, including specific funeral and burial wishes and plans.
5. Point out that, just as you have definite thoughts about how you want your final affairs, funeral and burial to be handled, you assume that they do as well.
6. Invite them to ask questions and to share some thoughts they might have about their end-of-life wishes.
7. Emphasize the need for a final written plan and the need to follow a few steps to gather some information to make it complete.
8. Ask them if they’d permit you to help them put together a plan since you already have the experience of doing the same for yourself.

More Information:

Why and End-of-Life Plan?

Pre-Planning / Funding Your Funeral

Funeral Pre-Planning Conference

End-of-Life Plan Checklist