Serving York County

Rarely will all siblings agree on how to handle any family matter.  This is especially true when it comes to end-of-life decisions for a parent – a topic that will often spawn disagreements and could cause ongoing strife in family relationships.

Certainly, as a parent, you want to avoid such conflict; but it is important to convey your own end-of-life plan to your adult children sooner rather than later.

Here at the Koller Funeral Home and Cremation Center, we suggest that you share your wishes only after you have a complete, written end-of-life plan including pre-planning for funeral/burial.

When that has been done and you approach your discussion by making the points that you have taken time to thing through, your adult children will usually be grateful to hear it and relieved that the plan is in place. 

The following tips are to help you gather your thoughts for discussion:

Assure your family that your health has not suddenly declined and that you hope that death is far in the future.

Remind them that, of course, everyone dies and no one knows when it will happen.

Acknowledge that end-of-life planning is emotional which is why you created your end-of-life plan while you are still healthy and had the opportunity to take as much time as you needed to do so.

Present the scope of your plan and add the details that you believe they need to know at the time.  Note that you expect to continue updating your plan as circumstances change so that it remains an accurate reference for them when the time comes.

Tell your adult children where they may find your plan in the event you become seriously ill or die.  It will be helpful if your message and the way you deliver it convey that family debate of the plan’s details is not an option.

Be prepared to answer your family’s questions and respond to their reactions which could vary from alarm to denial to disagreement.

If all goes well, you might wish to encourage them to begin their own end-of-life plan, perhaps beginning with funeral/burial wishes.  Let them know that you would be glad to coach them as they create their plans, since you have the experience of completing an end-of-life plan already.

More Information:

Why an End-of-Life Plan?

Pre-Planning / Funding Your Funeral

Funeral Pre-Planning Conference

End-of-Life Plan Checklist