Serving York County

Condolences to comfort the bereaved and honor the deceased come in many forms.

Some send flowers with a brief note on a card attached. Others might offer condolences by phone or an original, handwritten note to offer their sympathies.  Still others send prayer cards or a donation to a charitable organization in the name of the deceased.  However you decide to convey condolences, the important thing is that you do not neglect to do so. 

One of the most memorable and appreciated forms of conveying sympathies is a condolence note.  It is simple and takes just a moment, but allows grieving family and friends know that you are thinking of them.

If you are struggling for the best message to write, the following advice should help.

• Mention the deceased by name
  Use a form of the name that would be natural for you to use and recognizable to the family (“We are all so sorry to hear that Jimmy died.”)
• Include a memory of yours
  What amusing, touching or memorable experiences did you share with the deceased?  (“We could always count on him.  When the power went out at the third grade recital last fall, here comes Jimmy with the generator to save the day.”)
• Close with an Expression of Sympathy
  Since closings such as “Best Regards”, “Sincerely”, etc. can seem stilted, use a more personal phrase that conveys your condolences.  (“Wishing you Peace” or “I think of you every day”, etc.)
• Let your sign-off identify you
  Even if you are a close friend of the immediate family, you can’t be sure who might be tasked with acknowledging your condolence note.  So be clear about your identity by using both first and last names.  In fact, if you are nota close relative or otherwise close to the family, it’s advisable to include a brief phrase to describe your relationship.  And, by all means, provide an easily-read return address so the family can acknowledge your note. 

More Information:

• Funeral Etiquette: General Guidelines
• Funeral Etiquette: Attending Services
• Funeral Etiquette: A Gift of Your Time